Well, today my sis rang me from her work. This is the place where I have been doing some part time work to help them out as they are swamped.
I love the place and I love the people. I love being there and they have offered me some more hours.
If these hours were being offered as part of a permanent job, I would bite their arm off and accept. That way, I could sign off benefits and be a worker.
Unfortunately, this offer is to work as a helper, in the role I am doing now. I cannot accept the hours in this role as working more hours would mean I would get my benefits stopped and that is no good for work that is not permanent. At the moment, the hours I work are allowed and don't result in me getting any benefits stopped.
I am at a stage in my life now where I need to change.
I am existing, not living. I want to live. I know that living will mean working to earn money. I want to do this but I have no idea of the work I want to do.
Keeping normal working hours is hard becacuse of the noisy neighbour who keeps me awake till all hours and stops me from getting sleep. I don't follow a normal pattern, I end up being awake till about 6:00am then sleeping till the afternoon. This cannot keep on though, it has to change if I am gonna work.
Keeping this pattern has allowed me to hang with the wonderful people at mayos. Working regular hours would put an end to this and this is making me so sad to contemplate.
What do I do, a normal life or hanging with cyber friends?
I would miss you more than words can say but I think I need a life. I need to go places and meet people and earn money.
I want to meet people, I don't want to be alone all my life. I can't meet people if I don't go anywhere. I get so sad when I hear friends talk about having partners. This is a recent development but I want a partner too, I want to be loved.
Maybe this is my early mid-life crisis but I need to have a radical overhaul of my life.
I need to work, I need to go places and do things, I need to be more normal.
But that means less time with you guys and that kills me.
I can't live in the computer world and the real world as well. What do I do?
If I wasn't on the other side of the world to most of you guys, I would catch you but the timezones are a bitch.
I am so torn with my life right now. I wish someone would come along and take the choices out of my hands and tell me what to do.
Help!
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34 comments:
Ahh Miss T. Torn between real-world and Blogbelieve. I've been there sweetie, and at the time when I had to pick between the two, I chose the real-world. I mean, I missed you guys, so fucking much. Words cannot describe it. But, in the end, things in my real-life got a little better. Of course you need a real-life. It's more important than hanging around here! (I can't believe I just said that! O.O)
You deserve everything you want and more. I'm sorry to hear that your neighbour is a COMPLETE jack-ass causing you to have an abnormal sleeping pattern. That may be cause one in this situation.
I'm here to help you, I'm here to talk. I care because I love you. =]
Xoxo;
- 007
*hug*
*whispers*
I believe in you.
P.S. If you chose the real-life, (I'd recommend it), that doesn't mean you can't come around! Timezones are a bitch, but we'll work it out. =]
<3
Paperheart, your words on my blog were so inspiring.
I know that normal life has to win out but it doesn't change how much I will miss everyone.
I am going to take my lead from you. You are an amazing friend and you inspire me so much.
I love you.
Miss T,
I love you too! =] I know that you will miss everyone, but if that means that you're going to have your real-life sorted out, then let it be. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a life.
I love you so very much, and I want the best for you.
*hug*
hi sweetie,
first I have to say I miss you so much *hugs*
and second, you have to choose the real world, for your own good, believe me and still you can go to blogbelieve, you don´t have to do one thing or another.
and believe me, it´ll be good to choose the real world, you only deserve the best in life! that doesn´t mean, that blogbelieve isn´t good, but there is nothing better than have a fullfilled real life.
like paperheart I chose the real world, or better I was always in the real world, that´s why I´m not so often at mayos etc. but you can still spend time with your friends here, also timezones suck, I know that, I´m 2 hours ahead of you ;)
well I start waffling right? ok so always when you feel down, look at gerard, he was send to you to give you some strength :) I know you have a lot of strength in you I believe in you, you´re such an amazing person, do you even know how much you helped me in the last month? thanks for that *hugs*
I also still don´t know what to do and I talked to my workmate from england today about it. guess what he said? the same you said to we month ago, that I should go to london he said "you can be sure to see my chemical romance more often there. all bands come to london!" haha wth?
ok sweetie, be strong and do the next step, I knwo you can do it !!!!
love you *hugs*
Thank you guys, your words mean so much.
You are both great friends and your encouragement really means a lot to me.
Thank you again.
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaz!!!
Where have you been? Thanks for your e-mail, sweetie!
Chose the real world. You can always keep in touch with the people in Blogbelieve per e-mail and AIM. There's so much to explore out there. You're so special! I know you will find your way!!!
Love & Hugs & Kisses
Siobhan
Hi siobhan sweetie. I know I have to choose the real world and I am gonna do that, I have a plan of action and I'm gonna go for it.
Wish me luck.
Pancake-Zilla, Pixie, where have YOU been young ladies?! I miss you on the blogs!!
Miss T, as much as it is great being here in Blog Believe, you must choose to live in real life because, well, that's where we really live each day, as much as I don't like it, but oh well.
Anyways, I share the same predicament as you, so I can understand how you're feeling. I wish you the best of luck in everything, and I know that you will make it.
You just have to have a little faith and confidence in yourself, and you'll be able to do the things you want to do.
I love you. My email is up if you ever need to talk. Take care.
Hugs & kisses,
BC
Thank you BC, you are always so understanding sweetie.
I agree, it has to be the real world.
It just sucks that something has to be sacrificed in order to make something else happen.
MissT,
I wish I had all the answers for you. I wish I could tell you which path to choose.
Just know that I will be here to listen to you, to hold your hand, to talk to you, to cry with you, to support you, to encourage you, to make you believe in yourself.
I love you Caz!
You're something special.
Love,
Solly
Thank you solly, you are special too.
You always pull me through sweetie.
I can't thank you enough.
I love you so much.
Hello MissT :)
I just wanted to stop by and thank you for yesterday.
What you said meant a lot, so thank you.
Love ya!
Mustard
hi miss T!
as lovely as it is living in blogbelieve you have to go for the "real world" option. it will do alot for your morale to be out there earning money and meeting new folk.
says me who's morale aint great at all. but that is because i'm still doing the child care thing and working very part time. as soon as the lad is old enough to go to school i will pick up my hours and i know i will feel so much better about my self for earning more money and feeling that i contribute more to the household. its all about self worth.
so go for it girl! and you'll still get to chat to the family. i'm rarely around really just a pop in and out and a mad catch up but its always great to chat to people. you'll still get your "fix" just slightly less of it!!
take care and good luck!
Thank you for all your support over the last few weeks. It means SO much.
Lots of love
Amyxx
Everyone has such good advice. :)
MissT, you are an amazing person and no matter where you go or what you do, we will stay in touch. You will always have us in blogbelieve. Choosing is not easy. I feel like I miss out on so much with all of you and it breaks my heart that I'm not around when someone needs comfort or when I miss out on someone's birthday; but I can only do what I can do and my real life does take priority. However, I do not know where I would be right now had I not met all of you. This place is truly special. And I'm forever grateful.
This is your time to go out and grab all the things you want and need in your life. I know you will find all the loveliness and happiness you deserve. And you deserve a TON of the good stuff.
We will work around the timezones...don't you worry sweetie. It will all be wonderful. I promise.
P.S. It was awesome talking with you last night. You are the best!
Love you so much!
DG and mustard, anytime.
It's all i can do to offer support to you wonderful people who have helped me so much.
Faraway and anima, your words make so much sense and it really makes me see what I have to do.
Thank you so much.
I think you and I both know the best decision, love. I know right now you're torn and overwhelmed, but in the long run it will definitely pay off.
Live and learn with each passing day. We'll always be here holding your hand and helping you along the way.
I totally rhymed and it wasn't intentional ;)
Love to you.
my pleasure miss T!!
Aw CTV, thank you so much sweetie.
You are right and your words of encouragement mean a lot to me.
Love you.
Miss Tottenham,
We all care about you soo fucking much, and we only want what's best for YOU.
<3
Thank you paperheart, you are such a lovely person.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that you are lovelier. (is that even a word? apparently it is because it's not telling me to check my spelling mistake:P)
xoxoxox
<3
Hey MissT!
I didn't see you around today, so I just wanted to stop by and check on you!
I hope you're doing well :)
Love.
Mustard
Hello MissT! How are you, you lovely woman? I hope you're doing well!
My apologies for not visiting you here in awhile. It would seem I've been doing all and/or way to much talking at the castle!
I shall try to control myself from now on, I promise I'll try, can't guarantee I'll be successful though
;-)
I miss seeing you around but I hope you are now busy LIVING and being fulfilled!
I think I might have mentioned to you that for a time, I was just existing as well.....
until I decided it was time for me to start living MY life again.
We have to be ready to take that first step, and I think you are absolutely ready.
It IS so much better TO LIVE MissT!
So, so much better!!!! And, I am so glad you reached that decision - to live and not just exist.
Much love to you always,
xoxo,
Wendy
Hello, MissT!
Just wanted to stop in again. I hope everything's okay! Getting a little worried, but I'm sure you're probably busy :)
Just let us know something!
Mustard
Thank you Wendy sweetie. I shall take my inspiration from you. If you can do it I shall too.
Thanks again.
Mustard, my little guardian angel. I've been busy but I'm here now.
MissT!
That sounds perfect! A break is a great thing. I hope you're having some fun!
See you when come around again :)
♥ Mustard
Hello Miss T!
It sounds like you're having to make some tough decisions right now. I can relate, believe me.
I am now looking for a new job. But finding a "good" job is awfully hard when you don't know what you want to do. Everytime I look through job listings, I get very depressed. I actually cried about it last night. Sometimes it seems so hopeless, I just don't even want to deal with it.
But even though it's hard for me to think about it right now, I'll never get out of my current bad situation unless I pick myself up and start moving forward. It sucks, but it has to happen.
Always easier said than done, right?
Sometimes I think I spend too much time talking to people online. I have friends here, friends on myspace, friends I text message but never talk to. I know I should get out more and make more "real life" friends. But it's hard to give this up, isn't it? I wonder if it's possible to have both? Maybe you can pick a time each day or every couple of days when you blog and comment. You wouldn't have the same back and forth exchange that you get now because you wouldn't be on at the same time as many others. But it might be kind of fun to log in and get several messages all at once, and respond to them all at once. I have a friend who does this with Myspace. Sometimes it drives me nuts that he waits for days or weeks to read my mail, but he says he really likes getting several of them at once.
I don't know... I'm just throwing stuff out there.
Anyway, I'm so starving right now... I need to go eat dinner.
I hope you have a great weekend!
Love, Andrea
Hi Andrea, how are you sweetie?
Wow, everything you said at my blog. I feel like you and I are kindred spirits or at least facing the same life problems.
I too have cried over the work situation. It really gets you down when you don't know what you want to do with your life and all the jobs on offer make you want to die of boredom.
I really hope that we both find our way into a better life cos we could both do with doing some real living.
Good luck sweetie. Keep trying babes and keep your chin up.
This may sound callous, but if I had to choose between hanging out at Mayo's & a happy life, I could easily walk away from blogland. I've had great conversations over the past few months and have come to feel genuine affection for a lot of people there, but if Mayo's ever started to hinder my daily "real" life, I would leave. But that wouldn't necessarily imply severing contact. After all, there's always email.
Hiya MissT, you gotta do what makes you feel happy. And it's not like we won't be here waiting for you right? You've made lasting true friendships here, I believe. But as we are all so far apart, and on such different time zones, you should venture out and be with people around you. That physical touch thing, is really something. I kinda forget sometimes. And don't ever be ashamed or fearful of your desire to be loved, to be close to people, to live. You know we would all embrace you if our arms and kisses could reach you. But because we can't -you shouldn't feel guilty or feel you have to choose bewteen the cyber family or the possiblity of a real pysical one. You can have us both- just, would be kinda awkward and naughty to do so at the same time. ;p So go- LIVE! And then, when you have time, come and tell us all about it! We may not get to talk too much, but I think we all have to deal with that anyway -so don't fear the change you desire -just embrace it! We're here supporting you and holding onto our faith in you no matter what! So run Miss T! and have fun! :) love to you-l/d <333
I love you.
Just reminding you.
RW, Lewis and CTV, I love you guys.
Thanks for putting a smile on my face again.
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