Hello people, I want to apologise profusely for last night. It wasn't your place to have to babysit me.
I do however want to thank each and everyone of you for being such good friends. I couldn't have got through it without you.
I can't begin to describe how swollen my eyes are today from all the crying, I have been lying down with cucumber slices on them but it hasn't done much good.
I'm so sorry if I worried you all. I tend to have a really bad night like that at least once a year and you were all unfortunate enough to be around when it happened. I know how draining it is and I want to apologise.
I especially want to apologise to the people on AIM and maybe explain a little about what happened last night.
This time last year, I didn't react to Dom's death like this. That is because we were helping mum through her cancer treatment and had important stuff to focus on. I guess this year now that that is over and my mind was free to dwell, I felt so washed out and drained of strength that it really got to me.
I wrote my little bit about Dom on mayo's and my blog and I felt better that I had commemorated him. Then I tried to join in the fun, but once everyone started to go on about star wars quotes id got a little bit suffocating. Not wanting to bring anyone down,I went to DM.
At first I was glad to be there on my own. I had FS on AIM(you absolute angel) and I was talking to myself. Then others came and that was nice.
Then as the evening went on I saw so many names on AIM and no one was talking to me. As you can imagine, in my state of mind I thought it was because you all wanted to have fun and didn't want me to drag you down. I thought "if they want me, they'll fetch me" but no one did.
As everyone went onto AIM, more people left DM's so I was feeling even more alone. I thought "if they want me to leave, all they need to do is ask". I felt like I was being avoided.
Eventually someone saw my comments and told me to switch on AIM. I did and still no one talked to me. This made me feel even worse.
People have told me that they didn't have both my AIM names, so didn't know I was there. It's not the fault of the people on AIM. I don't blame them at all, I'm just describing my feelings. It just was unlucky the timing that AIM chose to fuck up as once I did get on AIM, it threw people off which only led me to feel once again that people didn't want me around.
It was all just such shitty timing in the end. It contributed to my crappy feelings.
I want to apologise to everyone who was worried about me. I know I made you feel shitty. You are all such wonderful friends, I wish I could personally hug all of you.
I don't know what words I can use to properly convey how sorry I am.
Thursday, 6 December 2007
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15 comments:
I wasn't around yesterday, sweetie, but I can tell you that you have nothing to apologize for. I feel exactly the same way (like no one listens) quite often, and you've always been there for me.
I'll always be there for you.
*hugz*
Love you, Caz! Whenever you feel down, remember that, okay?
A bit quieter today so I can talk in peace.
You have nothing to apologise for, we all need the time to vent every now and again, I'm sure I've done it loads of times.
Remember we are family, we are here for the bad as well as the good.
We are always here if you need us.
Much love
Gnothi x
Thank you ladies. Thank you so much.
MissT,honey, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you yesterday...
You don't have to apologize: you're a human being and there's nothing wrong in venting your sorrow and anger somentimes.
I know exactly how you feel and I want you to know that anytime you need to talk I'll be glad to listen.
Take care. Love to you
No need to apologize, love. It happens. We all need to get everything out every now and then.
I'm really glad to see that you're feeling better. It's a huge relief. I wish I could be there to give you a huge bear hug.
I'll always be here for you.
Thank you bella and CTV. Your kind words mean so much to me.
We weren't babysitting, we were mourning with you.
Try cooled chamomile teabags on your eyes. I find they help so much more.
-A
Thank you Amyranth and I hope you are feeling better too.
Miss T,
I'm sorry I haven't been able to come online until now, but you were on my mind the whole day.
You have nothing to apologize for, everyone has lows. I am so glad that you are feeling better.
All of us are here to support you. If you ever need to talk, I would be pleased to listen.
Big hug, lots of love and take care
Katherine
Thank you so much Katherine.
You are an absolute angel.
Don't apologize.
I'm glad you're feeling better!
hello missT!
I haven't been around and was catching up when I found your story....
I know I might be a little late, but just want yo to know that my heart is with you....
I lost a cousin too.
He was the sweetest and funniest person I will ever know. My favorite one.
He was a bit bonehead, stubborn and party animal, never liked school and always fought with my uncle.
One night, he went to a party to celebrate his friend graduation, got drunk and got hit by a taxi.
Since we live far away from where he lived, my parents travel for one day to get to the funeral. They just told me he got sick.
I miss him everyday of my life; and the thing that hurts me the most is that I never got the chance to say goodbye, he went away without knowing how much I love and admire him.
Now I know Dominic and Lalo are together taking care of us, watching how we have fun at Mayo's.
Don't be sad, honey. You have an angel that loves you!
*hug*
Andibomb, thank you so much for your lovely comment. We have similar stories to tell. I totally understand how you feel. Dominic was my favourite cousin too. I hope they are together wherever they are. We can picture them that way anyway. Egyptians believe that words are magic so if we say it is so then it is so. I am so sorry for your loss sweetie. Here's a hug to share.
Miss T;
All my love to you sweetie! I love you soo much, and I am here for you to talk to if you'd like.
xoxo
- 007
Paperheart, I love you so much. All the hugs in the world would never be enough to cover it.
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